Thursday, January 6, 2011

New Years Resolutions

I dont believe in New Year's resolutions as a way to start doing something you should have been doing anyway (exercising, quitting smoking, ect).  I think we should approach New Year's resolutions as a way to think "how can I make this year better than last".    I saw this online and wanted to share it with you becuase these are the things I'm going to try to work on this year, not only with my pseudo-spouse,  but with my friends, family, and co-workers.  These five things are so easy to do, but also so easy to NOT do.
1. Listen better
I mean REALLY listen – I call this “listening with attention.”  Look at your body language when you listen to your boss at work, a small child, or if you were on on a first date.  We are engaged, making eye contact, not distracted.  We are showing the person on the other end, “what you are saying is important to me.”  THIS is how you should be listening to your partner when he or she speaks to you. Show him or her that you CARE.

2. Be more patient
He or she isn’t you and will never be.  Just as your job is to understand YOU in life, it would sure help if you took the time to understand their own process when it comes to life, connection, intimacy, etc.  the more you understand them, the easier it will be to accept their different way of operating in the world.

3. Learn to let things go
Nope. He’s not perfect and neither are you.  We all will make mistakes throughout any relationship and it’s key to learn how to pick your battles.  Be judicious and bring up matters only when it’s worth the battle for both your sake.

4. Be more present at home
With social media, the Internet, TV, and mobile gadgets we now live in an age where folks are more disconnected than ever.  When the day ends, we allow our phones, TV, and computers to keep us from simply enjoying the company of our loved one.  You know your part when it comes to this matter so own up this new year and take the time to connect with your spouse without distractions.

5. Make focusing on YOUR part a top priority
Why? Because the ONLY person you have the power to change and be accountable for is YOU.  The more you focus on your partner’s actions, the less you are able to react to a situation in a smart, mature way.  When couples get locked into the “he did this” and “she did that” dance, they might as well go jump into a pool of mud and start flinging dirt at each other.  In other words, the “blame” dance will only make the conflict snowball.

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